Top 69 one-liners to say after an action movie explosion

What’s more badass then an explosion in an action movie? Answer: the one liner the hero delivers after the explosion while he’s walking away in slow motion (This may or may not involve putting on or removing sunglasses). I’ve always wondered who comes up with those one-liners and where can I get that guys job. Consider this list of the top 69 best Badass one-liners for an action movie explosion my application. Please leave your own suggestions in the comments section, give this page a like, share with all your friends on social media, and follow us on twitter @TopLists69.

1)      Would you like fries with that?

2)      Crunchatize me Caption

3)      Looks like 6 more weeks of winter

4)      Hold the onions

5)      Domo Origato Mr. Robato

6)      Fa la la la la, la la la dead

7)      Smells like you crapped your pants

8)      Time to dance

9)      Hey macarana

10)   Next time I won’t use lube

11)   It’s Britney Bitch

12)   I’ll take them over easy

13)   Abra Kadabra

14)   Knock Knock, it’s death

15)   Oops I did it again

16)   Suck my farts

17)   A babies gotta do what a babies gotta do

18)   You’ve got mail

19)   Survey says…. Buh-bye

20)   Cock-a-doodle-doo

21)   Time to make the donuts

22)   Can you hear me now?….. good

23)   Can you dig it?

24)   That’s some hot sauce

25)   Ding… fries are done

26)   I’m open 24/7 muchacho

27)   Bang, right in the crapper

28)   Merry Christmas mamasita

29)   Ball four

30)   Mozel tov

31)   You might wanna rub some dirt on that

32)   Woopsie-poopsie

33)   Ctrl, Atl, Delete bitch

34)   That’s a nasty paper cut

35)   Down goes Frasier

36)   Donde esta your face?

37)   That’s gonna leave a mark

38)   How ‘bout them cowboys?

39)   I’d like this on facebook

40)   #Dead

41)   I’ll grab a bandaid

42)   Yu-gi-ohhhhhhhhhhh

43)   Price check on isle dead

44)   I’ll send some flowers to your mama

45)   Take a picture, it’ll last longer

46)   Tell Hitler I said hello

47)   Nighty night twinkle toes

48)   Your toast is French

49)   Mmmm that’s a lot of blood

50)   Smells like dead

51)   You’ve been struck by a smooth criminal

52)   Rock, Paper, Scissors, Bitch

53)   ShamWOW that hurt

54)   Ompa-loompa doopedy dead

55)   God Bless America

56)   Giddy Up

57)   He’s gonna be late for work Monday

58)   Who let the dog’s out?

59)   That’s a spicy lasagna

60)   Where’s the chap-stick?

61)   Jenga!

62)   Looks like he’s got a lot more than 99 problems

63)   Sweet Caroline

64)   Just bought yourself a one way ticket to a body bag

65)   You die ugly

66)   At the end of the tone, please leave your screams

67)   Smell ya later gramps

68)   Cannon ball

69)   Tastes like chicken

Top 69 Situations Improved by Bacon

What’s better than Bacon? Answer: Nothing. When life gets you down, get some god damn bacon. Here’s the top 69 situations that are improved by adding a little bit of bacon. Give this post a like, throw down your own idea in the comments, share this on social media, follow this blog, and follow us on twitter @TopLists69.

1)      Ice Cream

2)      Surfing

3)      Love making

4)      Writing a blog

5)      Chocolate

6)      Really boring home work

7)      Boiling Water

8)      A Ferris Wheel

9)      Chicken Pox

10)   Standing at a urinal

11)   Getting a flu shot

12)   Thanksgiving dinner

13)   Walking a tightrope

14)   Reading a book

15)   Colonoscopy

16)   Babysitting

17)   Getting married

18)   Picking up dog poo

19)   Pie

20)   Making flash cards

21)   Waiting on line at the DMV

22)   A rap concert

23)   Smoothies

24)   Fighting crime

25)   Wearing a kilt

26)   Meeting your in-laws

27)   Watching a Tyler Perry Movie

28)   Doritos

29)   Filing your taxes

30)   Getting stuck in a rabbit holes

31)   Hot air ballooning

32)   Cinnamon toast crunch

33)   Guillotine spectating

34)   Navigating the Matrix

35)   Pizza bagels

36)   Farting in an elevator

37)   Making ice cubes

38)   Watching Schindler’s list

39)   Going to Hooters

40)   Marijuana

41)   S’mores Pop-tarts

42)   Hunting Big Foot

43)   Diarrhea

44)   Tacos

45)   Building a snow man

46)   Funerals

47)   Going through old photos of your ex

48)   Dancing in the rain

49)   Tequila

50)   Chocolate bunnies

51)   Watching titanic for the first time

52)   Being the guy who picks up dead animals on the side of the road

53)   Canadian Bacon

54)   Megablocks

55)   Being old

56)   Jell-o pudding

57)   Listening to Sting

58)   Getting kicked in the nuts

59)   An appendectomy

60)   Sitting through Under the Tuscan Sun

61)   Caring for a porcupine

62)   Tofu

63)   Monsoons

64)   Getting spit on by  a camel

65)   Being  a Pittsburg Pirate

66)   Tuna salad

67)   Dingleberries

68)   Corduroy pants

69)   Everything

Top 69 people I’d vote for office

Do you hate politics? Do you not care either way who wins the presidential election? Wouldn’t it be more exciting if someone you’d never expect ran for president? Even like fictional character would be a better option than some of the guys we end up with. Here’s a list of the top 69 people I’d vote for if I ever saw on a ballot. Give this post a like, throw in your own suggestions, share with your friends on social media, and follow us on twitter @TopLists69. Xoxo Gossip Girl

1)      Vince McMahon

2)      Teddy Bradshaw

3)      Danny Devito

4)      Mike Trout

5)      George Clooney

6)      Gary Busey

7)      Dog the Bounty Hunter

8)      He-man

9)      Patrick Stewart

10)   Tupac

11)   Kareem Abdul Jabar

12)   Lord Eddard Stark

13)   Miss Piggy

14)   Arnold Schwarzenegger

15)   Tina Fey (as Sarah Palin)

16)   Alec Baldwin

17)   Dwight Schrute

18)   Abraham Lincoln

19)   Kate Upton

20)   Sylvester Stallone

21)   Macho Man Randy Savage

22)   Martin Luther King Jr

23)   Denzel Washington

24)   Fat Albert

25)   Larry Bird

26)   Big Bird

27)   Velma from Scooby Doo

28)   Austin Powers

29)   Joey from Friends

30)   Ben Franklin

31)   Alan Rickman

32)   Harry Carey

33)   Ben Affleck

34)   Robin Williams

35)   Sherlock Holmes

36)   Victor Von Doom

37)   Morgan Freeman

38)   Ted Williams

39)   Foghorn Leghorn

40)   Prince

41)   Goku

42)   Amanda Bynes

43)   A Giant Panda

44)   Tommy Oliver (The Green Ranger)

45)   Usher

46)   Mike Tyson

47)   Tom Brady

48)   Mark Wahlberg

49)   Mr. Potato Head

50)   Bill Cosby

51)   George Steinbrenner

52)   Jonah Hill

53)   Willy Wonka

54)   Mr. Fantastic

55)   Guy Fieri

56)   Samuel Adams

57)   Albert Einstein

58)   Tomas Edison

59)   Deadpool

60)   Napoleon

61)   Super Mario

62)   Giovanni from Team Rocket

63)   Samuel L. Jackson

64)   Joe Dimaggio

65)   Batman

66)   Jerry Seinfeld

67)   Steve Martin

68)   Sir Ian McKellen

69)   Sir Mix a lot

69 Things that aren’t a good idea after Tequila

There is no liquid that gives as much and takes as much as the almighty Tequila. All who indulge in the tasty treat probably have one or two moments of shame that can be related. Here’s a list of the top 69 things you probably shouldn’t do after a night of Tequila. Please give this a like, share on social media, leave a comment with your own suggestions, and follow us on twitter @TopLists69

1. Ride a unicycle
2. Ask a hooker to marry you
3. Go skiing
4. Try moose tipping
5. Thread a needle
6. Barbed wire jump rope
7. Apply for the police department
8. Join the bloods/crypts
9. Hug a porcupine
10. Text your ex-gf
11. Text your current gf
12. Challenge the biggest guy around to arm wrestle
13. Try and invent a new cocktail
14. Weightlift
15. Really advanced origami
16. Try to feed a bear a pot of honey because pooh eats honey
17. Attempt extensive surgery
18. Lighting your farts on fire
19. Bake a wedding cake
20. Fulfill your lifelong dream of tightrope walking
21. Go to Vegas and let it all ride on red 7
22. Decide you’re going to steal the declaration of independence
23. More Tequila shots
24. Write a love song about your high school English teacher
25. Karaoke (Unless you’re Kelly Clarkson, no one should be doing this anyway)
26. Resolve to fight crime and become a super hero
27. Question why being a pirate went out of style and bury all your stuff in a secret location and then try and draw a map to it.
28. Get into a fight with someone because they thought the 4^th Indiana Jones movie was “just as good as the other ones”
29. Make Fajitas
30. Go on Facebook and wish everyone you’re friends what you really think about them. And wish them a happy birthday.
31. Play, “Poke the Hobo”
32. See how many krispy kreme’s you can fit into your mouth
33. Drive to your parent’s house and climb into bed with them like you were a baby
34. Create a new sport called, “urban golfing”
35. Play the bagpipes for the first time
36. Announce to everyone you were born to River Dance and show them your skills
37. Baby juggling
38. Re-enact Jackass the Movie
39. Attempt your first ever handstand while peeing
40. Find the hottest girl around with the biggest douchiest boyfriend and give her boobs a solid honk
41. Agree to go on a journey to destroy the ring of power
42. Jump over the table and take over for the hibachi guy saying, “I got this”
43. Your taxes
44. Go to taco bell drive through and yell at the attendant for not speaking Spanish and not making your experience “authentic Mexican cuisine”
45. Re-enact all the scenes from step brothers with someone
46. Tell everyone in the surrounding area that your baby maker is a magic lamp and that if you rub it you’ll get 3 wishes
47. Paint yourself blue and claim to be the Yao Ming of Smurfs
48. Continually yell at the dj/band/stereo to play free-bird all night
49. Shave the cat
50. Get a neck/face tattoo involving any of the following: snake, barbed wire, Asian symbol, dragon, tiger, Samoan symbols, person’s name, family motto, or basically anything
51. Eat a bunch of bubble gum and see if you’ll poop out a bubble
52. Jump into the ocean because “You need to find Nemo”
53. Start challenging random people to a Pokémon battle
54. Try and start a slow clap at inappropriate times
55. Break into a funeral home because you wanna re-enact “Weekend at Bernie’s”
56. Start watching porn in a public place to see if anyone wants to start an orgy
57. Find someone who’s a really good dancer and challenge them to a dance off in front of everyone. Proceed to do the chicken dance
58. Take pictures of your junk and tweet them using the hash tag #CuteKittens
59. Attempt to lead a rebellion against Canada for using “the wrong bacon”
60. Leave everything in your will to the sketchy guy you just met
61. Find the biggest lesbian you can and try and get her to switch sides using any means necessary
62. Talk like Yoda for the rest of the evening
63. Go up to every Italian person you see and ask them if they were born in Italy. If they say no claim, “Then you’re not a real Italian”
64. Keep asking people to take body shots off of you
65. Start a Harlem shake without telling anyone else
66. Sky diving
67. Explain to anyone who will listen that the movie “Rudy” was loosely based upon your life
68. Bet any woman $50 that you can draw what their naughty parts just by looking in their eyes. If they agree, demand they prove it after.
69. Watch human centipede 

69 Things that you shouldn’t throw off a high place to see if it bounces

Ever wondered if something would bounce? I know I sure do. I remember one time I saw someone drop a marble out the window onto the sidewalk and it bounced I nearly shit my pants. Actually I’m pretty sure I did because I was a babe at the time. Messy times…. Anyway, I was stunned that it bounced and then it got me wondering what else would bounce. Well after much research and development I have compiled a list of things not to drop out the window and onto the concrete. Here’s the top 69. Give this post a like, add your own to the list in the comments section, and follow us on twitter @TopLists69. Share us around the interwebz with your friends and family so they can all read this and I’ll be rich and famous and buy lots of puppies.

1) A cheeseburge

2) Your grandmother’s china

3) Someone from China

4) Hard boiled egg

5) A boomerang

6) A fist full of nails

7) Small ducks

8) A really fat kid

9) A Tigger doll (no matter how hard you wish….)

10) Flubber the movie

11) Water

12) Diabetes

13) A rubix cube

14) An old Christmas Tree

15) A watermelon full of booze

16) A snake full of bouncy balls (might bounce, but don’t try it- poor snake)

17) A Nokia brick phone

18) Moon boots

19) A full mariachi band

20) Slinkys

21) A full grown bull elephant

22) Bag full of broken glass

23) A wedding cake

24) The pope

25) A George Foreman grill

26) A turd sandwich

27) A stack full of important documents for that big meeting

28) A baby

29) Boston creme donuts

30) Two turtle doves

31) Rocks

32) Papers

33) Scissors

34) A piano

35) A cartoon safe

36) Some Dingleberries

37) An Apple Genius

38) An Apple Pie

39) Applejack Cereal

40) An entire Thanksgiving dinner complete with Pilgrims and Indians

41) A flying squirrel (They can’t really fly…)

42) A yo-yo

43) A Trampoline

44) 99 bottles of beer

45)  The dingo that ate your baby

46) Magical Dragonballs

47) The entire Wu Tang Clan

48) Light bulbs

49) Sumo Wrestlers

50) Thick leather bound books

51) The stock market (ha ha business joke)

52) A sassy gay waiter

53) A kid unfortunately named Peter Pan

54) A chipotle burrito

55) Bean Bag chair

56) Dolly Parton’s boobies

57) A really dense poo

58) Pickles

59) Anyone who says they have “swag” and is serious. (Give it a try tho, I might be wrong)

60) Dudley Dursley from Harry Potter

61) A woman accused of being a witch from the 1800’s

62) The supple bottom of that girl whose always wearing yoga pants but gives you dirty looks if  you even glance at her like you’re clearly not worthy enough to look at her

63) The Kool-aid man

64) Charles Barkley

65) Sponges

66) A walrus

67) French Fries

68) A big fat clown

69) Rice-a-roni

69 Song titles replaced with the word Penis

Ever see those things on twitter that trend sometimes like #ReplaceSongTitlesWith____? They’re sometimes pretty humorous so I thought I’d give it a stab. Deciding what word to use was really hard (thaaaaat’s what she said). Obviously in the end I had to go with ol’ reliable “Penis”. Boobs and boner were a close 2 and 3. Anyway, here’s a list of songs in no particular order. Please give us a like, throw on a comment with your own song titles, and share us on social media. I got blocked (again) on twitter for no reason but eventually you can follow us @TopLists69

1. 99 Penises (99 Problems- Jay-Z)

2. 99 Red Penises (99 Red Balloons)

3. We all live in a yellow penis (Yellow Submarine)

4. Stop in the name of Penis (Stop in the name of Love)

5. Quit playing games with my Penis (Quit playing games with my heart- Backstreet Boys)

6. Boulevard of broken Penises (Boulevard of broken dreams- Green Day)

7. Every Penis has it’s thorn (Every Rose has it’s Thorn- Poison)

8. Who let the Penis out? (Who let the dog’s out?)

9. Tiny Penis (Tiny Dancer- Elton John)

10. Penis Man (Piano Man)

11. Smells like Teen Penis (Smells like Teen Spirit- Nirvana)

12. Penis Vibrations (Good Vibrations- Beach Boys)

13. Purple Penis (Purple Haze- Jimi Hendrix)

14. I want to hold your Penis (I want to hold your Hand- Beetles)

15. Penis Face (Poker Face- Lady Gaga)

16. Smooth Penis (Smooth Criminal- Michael Jackson)

17. Gold Penis (Gold Digger- Kanye West)

18. Harlem Penis (Harlem Shake)

19. Call me Penis (Call me Maybe- Carley Rae Jepsen

20. Penis Penis Penis (Bye Bye Bye- N’Sync)

21. No Woman no Penis (No Woman no Cry- Bob Marley)

22. My Penis will go on (My Heart will go on- Celion Deion)

23. Bridge over troubled Penis (Bridge over troubled waters- Simon and Garfunkle)

24. When a Man loves a Penis (When a Man loves a Woman- Percy Sledge)

25. Jailhouse Penis (Jailhouse Rock- Elvis)

26. We are never ever getting back Penis (We are never ever getting back together- Taylor Swift)

27. Whole Lotta Penis (Whole Lotta Love- Led Zeppelin)

28. Papa’s got a brand new Penis (Papa’s got a brand new bag- James Brown)

29. Shot through the Penis (Shot through the Heart- Bon Jovi)

30. Save a Horse ride a Penis (Save a Horse ride a Cowboy- Big and Rich)

31. Hit me Penis one more time (Hit me Baby one more time- Britney Spears)

32. Fly like a Penis (Fly like an Eagle- R. Kelly)

33. Brown Eyed Penis (Brown Eyed Girl- Van Morrison)

34. If you wanna be my Penis (If you wanna be my lover- Spice Girls)

35. Mr. Penis (Mr. Roboto- Styx)

36. Rolling in the Penis (Rolling in the Deep- Adele)

37. Kung-Fu Penis (Kung-Fu Fighting- Carl Douglas)

38. Forever Penis (Forever Young- Bob Dylan)

39. Dirty Penis (Dirty Pop- N’Sync)

40. Oye Como Penis (Oye Como Va- Santana)

41. Red Penis Cup (Red Solo Cup- Toby Keith)

42. Without Penis (Without Me- Eminem)

43. Born to Penis (Born to Run- Bruce Springsteen)

44. Penis in here (Up in here- DMX)

45. Every Penis you take (Every Breath you take- The Police)

46. I feel Penis (I feel good- James Brown)

47. Penis of Fire (Ring of Fire- Johnny Cash)

48. Anyway you want Penis (Anyway you want it- Journey)

49. Hollaback Penis (Hollaback Girl- Gwen Stefani)

50. Sweet Home Penis (Sweet Home Alabama- Lynyrd Skynyrd)

51. Penis like this (Moment like this- Kelly Clarkson)

52. Crazy Penis (Crazy Train- Black Sabbath)

53. Can you feel the Penis Tonight? (Can you feel the Love Tonight- Elton John)

54. Hey Penis (Hey Jude- The Beetles)

55. Living la Penis loca (Living la vida loca- Rickey Martin)

56. New Penis, New Penis (New York, New York- Frank Sinatra)

57. Fat Penis Girl (Fat Bottomed Girl- Queen)

58. Penis Paradise (Gangster Paradise- Coolio)

59. I will always Penis you (I will always Love you- Dolly Parton)

60. More Penis more Problems (More Money more Problems- Biggy Smalls)

61. Penis Bears (Gummi Bears theme song)

62. Penis don’t lie (Hips don’t lie- Shakira)

63. Straight outta Penis (Straight outta Compton- NWA)

64. You’ve got a Penis in me (You’ve got a Friend in me- Randy Newman)

65. Baby got Penis (Baby got Back- Sir Mix a Lot)

66. Ring around the Penis (Ring around the Rosie)

67. FirePenis (Fireworks- Katy Perry)

68. Tic-Penis (Tic-Toc- Ke$ha)

69. Penis like Jagger (Moves like Jagger- Maroon 5)

 

The 69 easiest ways to make a famous movie ridicules

SPOILER ALERT. I’m going to be talking about movies so I’m just warning you now. Have you ever thought after watching a movie “What if…” Well I certainly have. And in most of those cases, because I am weird, I have thought how could I have made this movie really stupid. Most cases can be said just by throwing in Gary Busey but that wouldn’t make an interesting list. Here’s the 69 ways I came up with to take a famous movie and turn it on its head. Please like this, share it, and leave a comment. Follow us on twitter at @TopLists69 and have a lovely day.

1) Jaws: Make jaws an aggressive dolphin

2) Jurassic Park) All the dinosaurs are only 2 feet tall

3) Good Fellas: Replace Joe Pesci with Morgan Freeman

4) Dirty Harry: After his famous speech have his gun shoot the guy with a stream of water

5) Ghost Buster: The Marshmallow man defeats the ghost busters and takes over the world

6) Mighty Ducks: They lose and everyone beats up Charlie for messing up the tripledeek

7) Godfather: No subtitles

8) Titanic: Ship doesn’t sink. Jack and Rose realize things aren’t working out years later.

9) The Fast and the Furious: Massive car crash and everyone is in a coma

10) A bug’s life: Some kid comes with a magnifying glass and burns them all 

11) Rocky: Adrienne sleeps with Mickey and Rocky finds out in the middle of the fight

12) ET: Home doesn’t answer the phone

13) Dumbo: He realizes he cannot fly mid-flight (because he’s an elephant) and falls and crashes on top of a full school bus

14) The Dark Night: Batman teabags two-face after he dies

15) Christmas Carole: One of the ghost reveals Scrooge knocked up a woman years ago and his son is Bob Crachet

16) Nightmare on Elm Street: Have it take place in the Tanner household from Full house (you’re in big trouble mister)

17) Silence of the Lambs: Show Hannibal eating a roast beef sandwich at a deli as the last scene when honey boo boo walks in. 

18) Who Framed Roger Rabbit: Jessica Rabbit was the killer and was sleeping with Eddie the whole time. 

19) Superman Returns: Make it not suck

20) The Shawshank Redemption: They catch him in the poo river and he has to start all over again. Eventually escapes in a helicopter

21) Patch Adams: Patch accidentally discovers the cure for AIDS and becomes the richest man in the world. Opens hospital/amusement park

22) Top Gun: Tom Cruise replaced by Rodney Dangerfield

23) Space Jam: The Toonsquad loses horribly and they all become alien slaves. No one on earth has any idea where Jordan is. Blames the dog

24) Rambo: Ends up going one on one with a predator. Just make that the whole movie

25) Forrest Gump: Jenny doesn’t die and Forrest lives happily ever after. Also Forrest, becomes deadly allergic to shrimp

26)  Lincoln: Abe dodges the bullet and survives 

27) Men in Black: Jay turns down the job, gets replaces by Jackie Chan

28) Schindler’s List: Schindler hunts down Hitler and kills him with multiple throat punches

29)  Major League: Rick Vaughn and Willy Mays Hayes get traded to the Yankees after they start winning games for prospects so they can rebuild when they move the team

30) Finding Nemo: Nemo doens’t escape from the dentist’s office because he’s fallen in love with it. Becomes their leader and leads a tyrannical aquarium.

31) Bruce Almighty: He uses his powers to solves all of his problems in one second and lives happily ever after

32) Hairspray: The main characters don’t fall in love and at the end he’s wearing a shirt that says, “no fat chicks”

33) Indiana Jones, Raider’s of the lost ark: The Ark is filled with the recipe for Oreo cream

34) Dirty Dancing: The mess up their big dance at the end and he drops her on her head. It’s really awkward and nobody says anything

35) Tarzan: The gorillas kill everyone because they’re gorillas not kitties

36) Tron: The paper clip guy from microsoft word comes in and saves the day

37) Rugrats the movie: Child services take away the babies because they’re constantly un-supervised and getting into extremely dangerous situations. Phil and Lil’s mom reveals she’s a lesbian.

38) Saving Private Ryan: They find Ryan who ends up being Pee-Wee Herman and they decide to just shoot him because he’s so annoying

39) Babe: They eat Babe

40) Toy Story: Andy’s mom walks in on the toy’s talking and freaks the fuck out

41) Homeward Bound: They find a new home and are much happier. New Owners never lose their pets

42) Lord of the Rings: They fly on the Eagles from the beginning and just drop the ring in. Saves years of time and millions of lives

43) The Lion King: Timon and Pumba kill scar and become co-kings of the pride lands. Everyone has to eat bugs

44) The Wizard of OZ: Glenda just tells Dorothy she has the power to go home with her shoes right from the beginning. No one has to murder a witch. Hundreds of flying monkeys don’t go homeless

45) Juno: She gets an abortion and everyone hates her

46) Star Wars, A new Hope: Obi-Wan actually fights back instead of letting Vader Kill him. Possibly a different outcome. Can still mentor Luke without being a ghost

47) The Breakfast Club: They go to Ihop afterwards and eat breakfast

48) The Matrix: They just end after the fist one and everyone is happy and less confused

49) The Nutty Professor: Professor Klump decides not to invent the serum and just works out and gets his stomach pumped. Ends up being happier and healthier.

50) Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory: Augustus Gloop drowns in the chocolate river. Wonka gets sued, Veruca Salt takes over the factory. Charlie leads a rebellion with the oompa loompas.

51) Les Miserables: Instead of singing everything they sit down and have a conversation in order to save time and avoid confusion

52) Garfield the Movie: They don’t make it

53) The Social Network: The Winklevoss twins take over the company

54) The Ring: Someone turns off the TV and that solves the problem

55) Twilight: Edward eats Bella

56) Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince: Use the time turner from prisoner of Azkaban to stop Dumbledore from trying to destroy the ring and prevent his and Snape’s deaths

57) The Longest Yard: Paul Crew gets parole and is signed by the New York Jets upon release. They still lose

58) The Parent Trap: The parents do not get back together and instead continue fighting and remind each other why they got divorced. Also, someone brings up the fact that separating the girls and keeping their existence secret from each other was kinda messed up.

59) Terminator: He succeeds in his mission. Does the robot to celebrate

60) Back to the Future: Marty makes out with his mom and somehow becomes his own dad

61) The Muppet Movie: Someone questions the fact that they are puppets. Everything unravels from there. Electric Mayhem become the greatest band of all time

62) Aladdin: Aladdin wishes to become king of the world, ends up as Jack on the bridge of the Titanic

63) The Passion of the Christ: Jesus fights back and it becomes a kung-fu action movie

64) Independence Day: The Virus doesn’t work and instead Will Smith has to get off the ship and fight the aliens single handed until he reaches the self destruct button. Aerosmith plays in background. 

65) Transformers: The Dinobots come in at the end and save the day because they’re awesome. Megan Fox’s top comes off

66) Honey I shrunk the kids: The shrink process becomes permanent and the children have to adjust to a life as tiny people. 

67) Slum-dog Millionaire: He blows it on the last question but he becomes super famous anyway. Opens up a portapotty business and becomes filthy rich. No more children have to fall in poo

68) Revenge of the Nerds: All the nerds fail their classes because they were to busy planning their revenge and forgot to go to the tests

69) Happy Feet: Penguins are replaced with moose. Instead of dancing he sings and tries out for american idol. Simon still hates him and he looses. Ends up in a zoo.

69 Things that might be fun to put in a microwave

The microwave. A wonderful and mysterious object. How exactly does it work? Nobody knows (if you do you’re a nerd). Sometimes I just look in and stare at my hot pockets dancing around and imagine what magic is making them so un-godly hot that I burn my mouth. Then my mom or girl friend yell at my to not press my face against the microwave because it isn’t good for me. Like they know what’s good for me. I know what some of my favorite foods do when in the majestic microwave but sometimes I wonder about the possibilities…. Here’s a list of 69 things I wanna see in a microwave:

1) Silly putty

2) A box of nickels

3) A Nokia brick cell phone

4) The bad guy from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (I wanna see if the same thing happens)

5) A bonsai plant

6) 1 Marshmallow peep

7) A can of diet pepsi

8) Dashboard Jesus/Buddah/Hula Girl

9) A rock, a piece of paper, and scissors

10) Some lava

11) Jello

12) Sarah Jessica Parker

13) A dozen eggs

14) A Hershey Kiss, still in the wrapper

15) Diabetes

16) A dragon egg

17)  Fecal matter (ewwww)

18)  Chocolate pudding (to compare to the poo for scientific purposes)

19) Live Trout

20) Your grandma’s really fancy china with a dozen peeled bananas

21) A can of red paint

22) A Honus Wagner baseball card

23) Box of golf balls

24) The rose from Beauty and the Beast with like 3 petals left

25) A Fart in a ziplock bag

26) The Magic school bus (no children on board tho)

27) An Apple genus’ mac, iphone, ipad, ipod, and all other devices (and have them watch…)

28) A Pocket full of Posies

29) The sword of Godrick Griffendor

30) Cesar Salad

31) Every Dallas cowboy super bowl ring

32) The deed to my house

33) Eye of newt and toe of toad

34) A smaller microwave

35) A flock of seagulls

36) A whole wedding cake

37) Any McDonald’s happy meal

38) A Malibu Barbie complete with dream house and pink convertible

39) 7 layer dip

40) The Spartan 300

41) The entire army of Xerxes (Who would last longer?)

42) Kim Jong Un

43) Justin Bieber dressed up as little bo peep

44) Arthur Fonzarelli’s leather jacket

45) Grape jelly

46) A Honey Badger

47) Zombie

48) Dry Ice

49) Batman (I wanna see how he’d get out of it)

50) Marlin’s Park with their owner inside

51) Icy Hot patches

52) Sushi

53) Jerry Sandusky

54) Toaster Strudel

55) Glue

56) An 1800’s snobby English debutante woman

57) The Groundhog that said winter was over but lied

58) Philadelphia

59) Philadelphia cream cheese

60) The Mona Lisa

61) A hippo (preferably one with a bad attitude so I don’t feel bad)

62) Spongbob Squarepants inside his pineapple

63) A fairy god parent

64) Team Rocket

65) A Jamba Juice

66) A trombone

67) A fruit salad

68) One of the Aliens from Aliens

69) Toast (Just curious)

The 69 best ways to make sports more dangerous/exciting

I love sports. They’re fun to watch and pass the time and you can invest your love and passion into it. Few things are better. I don’t love every sport of course (soccer bores me to death) and I think this can be said of most everyone. Some sports just click with some people and others don’t. One thing we can all agree on is that excitement and a little bit of danger makes the sport even better. So here I’ve complied a list of different ways we can make sports more exciting/dangerous. Please leave your own ideas down in the comment sections, give it a like, and share with your friends via social media and what not. And (if my account gets un-suspended by the man) follow us on twitter @TopLists69

1) Play soccer on ice like hockey

2) Change the puck to an egg and whenever one team breaks it the other gets a power play

3) Play the WNBA in bikini’s and on trampolines

4) End the luge run in the Olympics with a ramp and make them pose in the air before they land in a lake. Better pose = better points

5) Whoever comes in last in a horse race becomes glue

6) Play basketball blindfolded so they have to use their other senses like bats

7) Place landmines randomly in the outfield

8) Replace the football with a Frisbee

9) Change the bowling pins to sticks of dynamite

10) Put the tennis court surrounded by a pool of sharks so you can’t run out of bounds

11) Replace the current baseball bats with ridiculously big cartoon-like bats.

12) Soccer games can no longer end in a tie (This one is serious, nobody likes a tie)

13) If you get caught taking steroids you have to run around the field/court with your pants down and your small testicles exposed while singing yankee-doodle-dandy and holding sparklers

14) Play badminton with a live grenade instead of a shuttlecock (lol…. shuttlecock)

15) Make the glass backboards in the NBA way more breakable

16) Put a live honey badger in the end zone

17) All darts must be played in a crowded area with a moving target after 3 shots of tequila

18) Fill all competitive swimming pools with 19 assorted jelly fish

19) All track type races shall involve a wolf and or lion to chase the competitors

20) If you miss a shot in pool you get electrocuted

21) Before folding in a hand of poker you must take a hit of marijuana and a shot of vodka

22) If a shootout after 3 shots does not determine a winner still then the goalies have to come to the center and fight. First knockout wins

23) Pitchers have to pitch wearing those drunk driver test goggles or really really thick bifocals

24) Have the hoops in basketball constantly moving up and down randomly at various speeds (Imagine going for a breakaway dunk and having the basket move up at the last second)

25) Whoever wins the College football championship (which is a joke btw) gets to play the super bowl champions and the winner gets Kate Upton

26) Everyone has to eat chipotle before an NBA game

27) Make football players wear shoulder pads like the legion of doom (all spiky and shit)

28) Volleyball shall forever be played wearing moon boots while on trampolines and the net must be raised 6 more feet

29) Release 4 dogs trained to collect golf balls loose on the course at random so the golfers have to race to their balls or lose a stroke

30) Involve more sharks and alligators in fishing somehow

31) Refs have to shoot the guilty player with a paintball gun full of yellow paint instead of throwing flags

32) Dip sumo wrestlers in baby oil before each match

33) Softball must be played while heavily intoxicated at all times for men

34) Women shall play softball topless. (so their jersey’s don’t hinder their throws, pervert)

35) No protective gear allowed in lacrosse and the ball shall be replaced with a rock

36) Switch out a baseball with a rubber pink ball. (sooooooo many dingers)

37) Competitive dance can only be done after: being put in a corner, needing the money as a reward to survive, getting dumped, confessing your love to someone, and/or any other famous movie plot line

38) Vaulters shall land in a pool of jello instead of a big mat. Their splashes get more points.

40) NASCAR will no longer be allowed to make left turns and all cars shall have ejector seats that activate if involved in to much contact

41) Light the tennis balls on fire

42) More blades in hockey

43) For 5 random minutes in a soccer game a horn will blow and everyone is allowed to use their hands and tackle

44) Play golf at night with glow in the dark balls and one spot light on the tee and one on the hole, and that’s it

45) Invent a new sport called competitive Where’s Waldo-ing where teams of detectives are shown a picture of a guy dressed up as Waldo and given various clues to go find him all around the world. Bonus points if you also find Carmen San Diego

46) Take away the sword from the bull fighters (poor bulls)

47) Synchronized swimming and ice skating shall be only played by high security prisoners and the winners get prison perks (i.e. parole, more cigs, bigger cell, extra tv, food, etc)

48) Make Quidditch real

49) Also make the hunger games real but with death row guys and war criminals.

50) Tomatoes shall be given out to fans at all home games to teams with losing records and shall be allowed to throw at players/coaches/management when they desire. (They’re not paying to see you lose)

51) Take away the nets in lacrosse. Give them shovels

52) All referees must talk/act like Macho Man Randy Savage (oooOOOOHHH YEAAAaa)

53) Switch out the boxing gloves with brass knucles

54) No rules in the UFC. No one wants to see two giant guys rolling around on the floor

55) If you lose a cock fight you have to eat the loser WITHOUT honey mustard of BBQ sauce (Extra hot buffalo will be allowed but not bleu cheese or ranch)

56) All bobsledding shall take place in Jamaica

57) When not skiing you shall be allowed to throw snowballs at the other skiers as they go down

58) A new arch shall be added in basketball about near the foul line that if a player dunks from behind there it counts as 4 points

59) All professional swimmers shall be forced to wear water wingys and inner tubes

60) Foosball will now be played with real people on a life size table with juvenile delinquents tied up to the sticks and to be operated remotely by Asian children.

61) Dizzy bat rules applied to MLB

62) Football is played with a cantaloupe instead of a football. Team whose in possession of cantaloupe when it is broken gets a 5 yard penalty and has to eat the broken cantaloupe

63) Hurdle jumpers shall now jump over barrels thrown by trained gorilla.

64) Biting in boxing is now encouraged instead of frowned upon

65) Make golf club shafts out of loose rubber so they’re like wet noodles so you have to whip them and make the golf balls smaller.

66) Randomly catapult huckleberry pies from a blimp flying overhead onto unsuspecting players heads. (This goes for every sport)

67) All bowling must be disco bowling and you get disqualified if you do not bowl like Fred Flintstone

68) Make them sip tea while playing the field in cricket

69) Force every team to watch Miracle before every playoff game and drink 4 cans of red bull

The Top 69 worst Boner Killers

Have you ever seen or heard something that made your manhood turn from iron man into a limp noodle? It’s happened to everyone and it’s the worst. Here’s a list of the 69 worst boner killers of all time. Feel free to add your own in the comments section, like, and share with your friends via social media. PS follow us on twitter @TopLists69

1) Honey Boo Boo’s mom

2) Salmon spawning

3) All the ladies from Sex in the City

4) Chihuahuas

5) Orange juice after brushing your teeth

6) Any evil old lady from a disney cartoon

7) A stray pube on a urinal

8) An extremely smelly fart that wakes the dead

9) Wearing a full diaper

10) My little pony

11) Fat guy little coat

12) Jeggings

13) Talking about the time of the month and anything associated with that

14) Powdered wigs

15) Cat pee

16) Centipedes

17) Anal Leakage

18) A sneeze during fellatio

19) Vomit

20) Chris Bosh

21) That weird smell in the subway

22) The taste of a subway sandwich (doesn’t arouse me in the slightest)

23) A book that doesn’t mention boobies

24) Slugs

25) Di-Di from Rugrats (That’s Tommy’s mom)

26) Ice cream on your junk

27) The Paper clip guy that used to pop up when writing something on Word

28) Renee Zellweger

29) Under the Tuscan Sun (omg it’s so bad)

30) Fat Bastard from Austin Powers

31) Breadcrumbs in the bed

32) Puppy Farts

33) Grandmas

34) Squidward from Spongebob

35) Anything involving unicycles

36) Tentical hentai (Why would you want to fuck an octopus?)

37) Lemon Party

38) A Waynes Brother’s movie

39) Old people chins

40) Huge pimples that people pretend aren’t on their face because they’re afraid to pop them so the rest of us have to suffer

41) John Lackey

42) Glue

43) Everything about Glee

44) Tape dispensers

45) Lumberjacks

46) Cats the musical

47) Fantasia from American Idol

48) Banjo music

49) Naked Mole Rats

50) The Wiggles

51) Suspenders

52) Portapotties

53) Dinosaurs (Not even a little bit)

54) The noise that modems used to make when connecting to the internet

55) Direct to video Disney squeals

56) Meryl Streep (Wonderful actress tho)

57) The guy who played Augustus Filtch in Harry Potter

58) Ostriches

59) Grape cough medicine

60) Miss Piggy

61) Paper Cuts

62) Diarrhea

63) Being in an area with no wi-fi or 3G

64) Jim Rome

65) Wet sand down below (yuck)

66) Sharks

67) Crop dusting

68) School librarian

69) Julia Child