The microwave. A wonderful and mysterious object. How exactly does it work? Nobody knows (if you do you’re a nerd). Sometimes I just look in and stare at my hot pockets dancing around and imagine what magic is making them so un-godly hot that I burn my mouth. Then my mom or girl friend yell at my to not press my face against the microwave because it isn’t good for me. Like they know what’s good for me. I know what some of my favorite foods do when in the majestic microwave but sometimes I wonder about the possibilities…. Here’s a list of 69 things I wanna see in a microwave:
1) Silly putty
2) A box of nickels
3) A Nokia brick cell phone
4) The bad guy from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (I wanna see if the same thing happens)
5) A bonsai plant
6) 1 Marshmallow peep
7) A can of diet pepsi
8) Dashboard Jesus/Buddah/Hula Girl
9) A rock, a piece of paper, and scissors
10) Some lava
11) Jello
12) Sarah Jessica Parker
13) A dozen eggs
14) A Hershey Kiss, still in the wrapper
15) Diabetes
16) A dragon egg
17) Fecal matter (ewwww)
18) Chocolate pudding (to compare to the poo for scientific purposes)
19) Live Trout
20) Your grandma’s really fancy china with a dozen peeled bananas
21) A can of red paint
22) A Honus Wagner baseball card
23) Box of golf balls
24) The rose from Beauty and the Beast with like 3 petals left
25) A Fart in a ziplock bag
26) The Magic school bus (no children on board tho)
27) An Apple genus’ mac, iphone, ipad, ipod, and all other devices (and have them watch…)
28) A Pocket full of Posies
29) The sword of Godrick Griffendor
30) Cesar Salad
31) Every Dallas cowboy super bowl ring
32) The deed to my house
33) Eye of newt and toe of toad
34) A smaller microwave
35) A flock of seagulls
36) A whole wedding cake
37) Any McDonald’s happy meal
38) A Malibu Barbie complete with dream house and pink convertible
39) 7 layer dip
40) The Spartan 300
41) The entire army of Xerxes (Who would last longer?)
42) Kim Jong Un
43) Justin Bieber dressed up as little bo peep
44) Arthur Fonzarelli’s leather jacket
45) Grape jelly
46) A Honey Badger
47) Zombie
48) Dry Ice
49) Batman (I wanna see how he’d get out of it)
50) Marlin’s Park with their owner inside
51) Icy Hot patches
52) Sushi
53) Jerry Sandusky
54) Toaster Strudel
55) Glue
56) An 1800’s snobby English debutante woman
57) The Groundhog that said winter was over but lied
58) Philadelphia
59) Philadelphia cream cheese
60) The Mona Lisa
61) A hippo (preferably one with a bad attitude so I don’t feel bad)
62) Spongbob Squarepants inside his pineapple
63) A fairy god parent
64) Team Rocket
65) A Jamba Juice
66) A trombone
67) A fruit salad
68) One of the Aliens from Aliens
69) Toast (Just curious)
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