Top 69 things you shouldn’t do in a grocery store

The grocery store. What an adventure it always turns out to be. They always say you shouldn’t go to the grocery store when you’re hungry. I say that’s nonsense. Who wants to think about food when they’re full. Sure my grocery bill might be really high but how else am I going to find out how this new product tastes? If only you could try out a new food at the grocery store before you buy it, like when the nice old lady at the deli lets me try a slice of the salami I just bought. They should let that old lady run the grocery store. Anyway, here’s a list of 69 things you shouldn’t do in a grocery store. Give this post a like and follow this blog. Add your own suggestions down at the bottom, and share this on social media with your friends. And while you’re there, follow us @TopLists69

1) Take out 2 hot dog buns from a different package so it equals the amount of hot dogs

2) Question loudly why all of these spongebob houses are in the produce section

3) Walk around with a food cart of your own and try to sell food to people in the store

4) Put pits back in all the olives

5) Peel all the bananas

6) Ask the cashier if there’s a changing room when buying nothing but a box of condoms

7) Change a babies diaper in the diaper section. Treat yourself to a nice pair

8) Hide all the good boxes of Kraft Mac and Cheese and put all the Annie’s mac and cheese up front. (Annie’s is garbage)

9) Attempt to build an igloo in the frozen foods section

10) Step behind the deli counter and start taking orders. If someone questions you just keep saying, “I’m management from upstate, here to clean up this mess”

11) Go to the bakery and ask if they can make a penis shaped cake

12) Leave a trail of breadcrumbs to the breadcrumbs

13) Set the lobsters free

14) Open up all the boxes of cereal and take out the prizes. Don’t eat the cereal

15) Bring a microwave and start eating tv dinners in the isle

16) Start trying to start bumper karts with the grocery store

17) Bring a grill and chair and start tailgating in the beer section

18) Set up a bowling lane in the isle with cans of whipped cream and a grapefruit

19) Pretend you’re Asian tourists and take pictures and act really excited like you’re in Time Square

20) Let a bunch of dog’s loose in the pet isle

21) Take a poop in the kiwis

22) Place a ton of groceries on the belt for the cashier and then forget something in the produce section. Wait until they put everything back and then come back to the line irate that your groceries are gone

23) Play floor hockey with a can of tuna (Dolphin safe)

24) Put a pack of mentos in a bunch of diet pepsi

25) Turn off all the freezers and turn up the heat in the fridges

26) Take your pack of bacon up to the deli and ask them if they can cook this up for you

27) If there’s any pre-cooked chicken, just start eating it. If anyone questions you say you thought it was a free sample

28) Try and dribble a watermelon

29) Stand next to the broccoli and yell at anyone who buys some for eating baby trees

30) Take all the ingredients for a PB&J and start handing them out to people

31) Ask the manager if this place caters weddings

32) Find the lemonade and set up a lemonade stand. Sell for .25 a cup

33) Lick all the popsicles and put them back

34) Roller blade through the isles. If anyone tries to stop you, check them into the boards

35) Start a campfire and make s’mores

36) Open every bag of chips and only eat 1 chip per bag. Say you were looking for “the one”

37) Ask the manager if there’s gluten in bread. Make him point out all gluten free foods for you. Tell him you’re not allergic, just curious  Buy a box of wheat thins

38) Open up all the Red Bull and start passing it out to the small children

39) Take a bite out of all the apples. Tell everyone within earshot that these aren’t fresh anymore

40) Re-fill all the pill bottles with reeses pieces and flintstone vitamins

41) Spell out dirty things on the floor and random places using alphabits and alphabet soup

42) Walk in with full camo hunting gear and claim, “I catch my own food.” Stab a turkey

43) Re-places all the Hawaiian punch with the blood of your enemies

44) Put pulp back in all the pulp-free orange juice

45) Stand in the dairy section and say to everyone who goes near, “I can’t believe it’s not butter!”

46) Buy all the double-a batteries

47) Squeeze all the jelly out of the donuts and fill them back up with jelly from the shelves

48) Hand out bloody mary’s near the celery

49) Ask a ton of questions and keep asking the butcher to show you different meats. After he’s extremely fed up simply walk away and say, “I’m a vegan”

50) Build a giant fort out of paper towels near the front door and deny all who try to enter without the password

51) Bite off the tops of the pears and throw them yelling, “GRENADE”

52) Pee in one of the freezers

53) Start making sushi in the store with the fresh fish you just bought

54) Walk around naked in the natural food section

55) Start a game of tackle football with a giant ham

56) Smash all the light bulbs

57) Keep walking around the store taking stuff out of people’s carts and putting them back

58) Kick everyone in the chest that buys rice a roni

59) Run around top speed yelling, “Where’s the tampons!”

60) Keep trying to break out into song with the deli workers

61) Walk around the isles acting really lost staring at your iPhone screaming, “GOD DAMNIT APPLE MAPS”

62) Stuff a bunch of potatoes in your pants

63) Start playing golf with all the eggs

64) Sit down and read all the magazines in the store

65) Take all the pies and start pieing the bakery people in the face

66) Stand up on the conveyor belt and attempt to start a rally for women’s rights

67) Open up the trash bags and start a potato sack race

68) Play ring toss with the bagels

69) Make a giant salad out of all the vegtables

Top 69 most dick moves in sports

We all love sports. We all have our favorite team and our favorite player, but we also have our favorite team and player we love to hate. Usually it involves where they’re from but sometimes all it takes is one huge dick move. Here’s a list of the biggest dick moves in sports for you to try out. See if that’ll make Sports Center. Please like this post and follow us. Leave your own suggestion down in the comments. Share this blog with your friends on social media and follow us @TopLists69

1)      Fart in any huddle

2)      Tell the umpire/ref that he has a small penis

3)      Sneeze on the baseball

4)      Stab someone for boxing you out on a rebound

5)      Replace the ping pong ball with a raw egg

6)      Flick your dingleberries in someone’s face during tip off

7)      Bite someone’s ear off while boxing

8)      Poop in the pool during a swim meet

9)      Steal the coin after the coin toss

10)   Tickle the quarterback after a sack

11)   Attempt to stab someone with your skate during a hockey fight

12)   Spit a loogey in the Gatorade

13)   Pick up other people’s golf balls on the course

14)   Piss in your opponents bowling ball

15)   Run the opposite direction during a track meet and start clotheslining people running at you

16)   Use a blue shell in Mario kart right when I’m crossing the finish

17)   Bring a dog in extreme heat to the Westminster dog show

18)   Tip over the guy sitting in the tall seat that refs the tennis match

19)   Rub the basketball on your taint

20)   Slash all the tires and spare tires before a NASCAR race

21)   Name your horse “Will be Glue”

22)   Grease the polls for the pole vault

23)   Trade for Tim Tebow and not use him

24)   Wearing brass knuckles under your boxing gloves

25)   Telling another baseball player that he throws like a girl

26)   Faking an injury every 2 minutes playing soccer

27)   Replace the giant tub of Gatorade with hot coffee before dumping it on your coach

28)   Instead of a pie in the face after a walkoff hit, punch the guy in the nose

29)   Lick the basketball every time you get it

30)   Throw a dart at your opponent instead of the board every once in a while just to make them un-easy

31)   Tackle the ref “accidentally” when he throws a bad flag

32)   Put packs of jello into the water coolers so it turns into jello

33)   Take a dump on home plate if called out

34)   Not let people who aren’t white European’s play golf

35) Drink out of another player’s athletic cup

36) Turn the heat on in the hockey arena so the ice melts

37) Put barbed wire around the rim of the hoop

38) Pick up the ball with your hands in soccer and start throwing it

39) Hide a Sarlacc pit (See: Star Wars Return of the Jedi) in the beach volleyball court

40) Change every player’s walk-up music in baseball to “Cher’s Greatest Hits”

41) Ride a Zebra at the Kentucky Derby

42) Throw the challenge flag as soon as the refs walk out onto the field

43) Start throwing wrenches during a dodgeball game

44) Refuse to wear shoes during a game because it’s “against your beliefs”

45) At the line of scrimmage, refer to each player’s wife by name and list different sexual positions you’ve done with her (factual or not)

46) Sharpen the end of your hockey stick into a point for stabbing

47) Hit everyone on the field in the nuts with your lacrosse stick and call them a “pussy”

48) Chew all the big league chew and put it back in the package extremely moist and pre-chewed. Claim you thought it was a different flavor

48) Constantly walk your dog in front of Mike Vick’s house

49) Call all the offensive linemen “Fatty fatty two-by-four, can’t fit through the kitchen door”

50) Literally steal 2^nd base

51) On 4^th and goal at the end of the game with the score tied, hand the ball to the other team and allow them to score. Sign with them in the off season

52) Talk to the pitcher throwing a perfect game repeatedly and act like it’s no big deal he’s throwing one.

53) Replace all the sun flower seeds with pickle or ranch flavor (aka the two flavors no one likes)

54) Instead of diving into the pool during a swim meet, do a cannon ball

55) Keep winking and blowing kisses at your opponent while boxing

56) Poop in all the golf holes

57) Be the owner of the Miami Marlins

58) Put itching powder in the goalie’s pads and helmet

59) Cry every time you strike out

60) Pick your nose and wipe it off on another player’s helmet

61) When everyone goes up for a rebound, pull down their pants

62) Walk around the bull pen naked

63) Blow your nose on the ref’s flag

64) Drag your ass around the soccer field like a dog with worms

65) Play Lacrosse with a butterfly net

66) Use your beater bat to knock the other team’s seaker off their broom right before they catch the snitch

67) Not letting the white guys play in the basketball game

68) Switch the baseball with a wiffle ball

69) Kick the other team’s star player so hard in the nuts that they vomit their testicles

 

The Top 69 worst Boner Killers

Have you ever seen or heard something that made your manhood turn from iron man into a limp noodle? It’s happened to everyone and it’s the worst. Here’s a list of the 69 worst boner killers of all time. Feel free to add your own in the comments section, like, and share with your friends via social media. PS follow us on twitter @TopLists69

1) Honey Boo Boo’s mom

2) Salmon spawning

3) All the ladies from Sex in the City

4) Chihuahuas

5) Orange juice after brushing your teeth

6) Any evil old lady from a disney cartoon

7) A stray pube on a urinal

8) An extremely smelly fart that wakes the dead

9) Wearing a full diaper

10) My little pony

11) Fat guy little coat

12) Jeggings

13) Talking about the time of the month and anything associated with that

14) Powdered wigs

15) Cat pee

16) Centipedes

17) Anal Leakage

18) A sneeze during fellatio

19) Vomit

20) Chris Bosh

21) That weird smell in the subway

22) The taste of a subway sandwich (doesn’t arouse me in the slightest)

23) A book that doesn’t mention boobies

24) Slugs

25) Di-Di from Rugrats (That’s Tommy’s mom)

26) Ice cream on your junk

27) The Paper clip guy that used to pop up when writing something on Word

28) Renee Zellweger

29) Under the Tuscan Sun (omg it’s so bad)

30) Fat Bastard from Austin Powers

31) Breadcrumbs in the bed

32) Puppy Farts

33) Grandmas

34) Squidward from Spongebob

35) Anything involving unicycles

36) Tentical hentai (Why would you want to fuck an octopus?)

37) Lemon Party

38) A Waynes Brother’s movie

39) Old people chins

40) Huge pimples that people pretend aren’t on their face because they’re afraid to pop them so the rest of us have to suffer

41) John Lackey

42) Glue

43) Everything about Glee

44) Tape dispensers

45) Lumberjacks

46) Cats the musical

47) Fantasia from American Idol

48) Banjo music

49) Naked Mole Rats

50) The Wiggles

51) Suspenders

52) Portapotties

53) Dinosaurs (Not even a little bit)

54) The noise that modems used to make when connecting to the internet

55) Direct to video Disney squeals

56) Meryl Streep (Wonderful actress tho)

57) The guy who played Augustus Filtch in Harry Potter

58) Ostriches

59) Grape cough medicine

60) Miss Piggy

61) Paper Cuts

62) Diarrhea

63) Being in an area with no wi-fi or 3G

64) Jim Rome

65) Wet sand down below (yuck)

66) Sharks

67) Crop dusting

68) School librarian

69) Julia Child