The grocery store. What an adventure it always turns out to be. They always say you shouldn’t go to the grocery store when you’re hungry. I say that’s nonsense. Who wants to think about food when they’re full. Sure my grocery bill might be really high but how else am I going to find out how this new product tastes? If only you could try out a new food at the grocery store before you buy it, like when the nice old lady at the deli lets me try a slice of the salami I just bought. They should let that old lady run the grocery store. Anyway, here’s a list of 69 things you shouldn’t do in a grocery store. Give this post a like and follow this blog. Add your own suggestions down at the bottom, and share this on social media with your friends. And while you’re there, follow us @TopLists69
1) Take out 2 hot dog buns from a different package so it equals the amount of hot dogs
2) Question loudly why all of these spongebob houses are in the produce section
3) Walk around with a food cart of your own and try to sell food to people in the store
4) Put pits back in all the olives
5) Peel all the bananas
6) Ask the cashier if there’s a changing room when buying nothing but a box of condoms
7) Change a babies diaper in the diaper section. Treat yourself to a nice pair
8) Hide all the good boxes of Kraft Mac and Cheese and put all the Annie’s mac and cheese up front. (Annie’s is garbage)
9) Attempt to build an igloo in the frozen foods section
10) Step behind the deli counter and start taking orders. If someone questions you just keep saying, “I’m management from upstate, here to clean up this mess”
11) Go to the bakery and ask if they can make a penis shaped cake
12) Leave a trail of breadcrumbs to the breadcrumbs
13) Set the lobsters free
14) Open up all the boxes of cereal and take out the prizes. Don’t eat the cereal
15) Bring a microwave and start eating tv dinners in the isle
16) Start trying to start bumper karts with the grocery store
17) Bring a grill and chair and start tailgating in the beer section
18) Set up a bowling lane in the isle with cans of whipped cream and a grapefruit
19) Pretend you’re Asian tourists and take pictures and act really excited like you’re in Time Square
20) Let a bunch of dog’s loose in the pet isle
21) Take a poop in the kiwis
22) Place a ton of groceries on the belt for the cashier and then forget something in the produce section. Wait until they put everything back and then come back to the line irate that your groceries are gone
23) Play floor hockey with a can of tuna (Dolphin safe)
24) Put a pack of mentos in a bunch of diet pepsi
25) Turn off all the freezers and turn up the heat in the fridges
26) Take your pack of bacon up to the deli and ask them if they can cook this up for you
27) If there’s any pre-cooked chicken, just start eating it. If anyone questions you say you thought it was a free sample
28) Try and dribble a watermelon
29) Stand next to the broccoli and yell at anyone who buys some for eating baby trees
30) Take all the ingredients for a PB&J and start handing them out to people
31) Ask the manager if this place caters weddings
32) Find the lemonade and set up a lemonade stand. Sell for .25 a cup
33) Lick all the popsicles and put them back
34) Roller blade through the isles. If anyone tries to stop you, check them into the boards
35) Start a campfire and make s’mores
36) Open every bag of chips and only eat 1 chip per bag. Say you were looking for “the one”
37) Ask the manager if there’s gluten in bread. Make him point out all gluten free foods for you. Tell him you’re not allergic, just curious Buy a box of wheat thins
38) Open up all the Red Bull and start passing it out to the small children
39) Take a bite out of all the apples. Tell everyone within earshot that these aren’t fresh anymore
40) Re-fill all the pill bottles with reeses pieces and flintstone vitamins
41) Spell out dirty things on the floor and random places using alphabits and alphabet soup
42) Walk in with full camo hunting gear and claim, “I catch my own food.” Stab a turkey
43) Re-places all the Hawaiian punch with the blood of your enemies
44) Put pulp back in all the pulp-free orange juice
45) Stand in the dairy section and say to everyone who goes near, “I can’t believe it’s not butter!”
46) Buy all the double-a batteries
47) Squeeze all the jelly out of the donuts and fill them back up with jelly from the shelves
48) Hand out bloody mary’s near the celery
49) Ask a ton of questions and keep asking the butcher to show you different meats. After he’s extremely fed up simply walk away and say, “I’m a vegan”
50) Build a giant fort out of paper towels near the front door and deny all who try to enter without the password
51) Bite off the tops of the pears and throw them yelling, “GRENADE”
52) Pee in one of the freezers
53) Start making sushi in the store with the fresh fish you just bought
54) Walk around naked in the natural food section
55) Start a game of tackle football with a giant ham
56) Smash all the light bulbs
57) Keep walking around the store taking stuff out of people’s carts and putting them back
58) Kick everyone in the chest that buys rice a roni
59) Run around top speed yelling, “Where’s the tampons!”
60) Keep trying to break out into song with the deli workers
61) Walk around the isles acting really lost staring at your iPhone screaming, “GOD DAMNIT APPLE MAPS”
62) Stuff a bunch of potatoes in your pants
63) Start playing golf with all the eggs
64) Sit down and read all the magazines in the store
65) Take all the pies and start pieing the bakery people in the face
66) Stand up on the conveyor belt and attempt to start a rally for women’s rights
67) Open up the trash bags and start a potato sack race
68) Play ring toss with the bagels
69) Make a giant salad out of all the vegtables
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