Top 69 worst things to say on a first date

The first date is an amazing thing. So many thoughts and emotions flying through your head at once. All while trying not to look at the other ones boobs. A very difficult task. Some people will know right away if the person sitting across from them has the potential to be “the one.” On the other hand, it works the same when someone will know right away whether or not this is just a waste of time. To help avoid being in the negative category of first impressions, here’s a list of things you shouldn’t say on a first date.

1)      What is the type and color of your underpants? Please explain why you chose that particular pair

2)      Oh I don’t think I could ever move out of my parent’s house. I love my mommy too much.

3)      Are you as big a One Direction fan as me?

4)      Are you gonna eat all that? This ain’t free you know

5)      Have you ever thought about porn? You’ve got the lips for it.

6)      Pull my finger

7)      You wore THAT for our date?

8)      I was expecting more cleavage to be honest

9)      Where would you like to go to dinner, McDonalds or Burger King? You get to pick

10)   Could we fast forward to the part where our pants are off?

11)   You look just like your father

12)   Just throwing this out there ahead of time as a courtesy, I do have at least one STD currently

13)   You’re a vegan? Yuck

14)   Do you mind that I brought my parrot? He doesn’t like to be alone

15)   I don’t believe in “showers”

16)   I haven’t been on a date since ‘nam

17)   Did you watch, “What not to wear,” last night? I forgot to tivo it

18)   Would you mind if I make a pit stop? Gotta go buy some coke for later

19)   Do you have a lower back tattoo? It’s kinda a deal breaker for me if you don’t

20)   We can’t go too far away from my house or my ankle bracelet will go off

21)   Smells like fish in here, if ya know what I mean

22)   Can I borrow some lip gloss? I left mine at home

23)   How open are you to a threesome?

24)   Barak Obama, Martin Luther King Jr, Jackie Robinson. Marry one, Fuck one, Kill one, Go

25)   Hey I just sent you a relationship request on facebook, can you go accept it?

26)   I miss the old days when open racism wasn’t “frowned upon”

27)   If I went to Hogwarts I’d be in Slytherin

28)   I don’t believe in the moon

29)   Scale of one to ten, how likely are we gonna bone tonight?

30)   Would you mind spreading your legs a bit? The hidden camera under the table isn’t getting a good picture

31)   This is my mother, you don’t mind that I brought her right?

32)   Are you a cat or a large snake person?

33)   I’m this close to finally graduating high school. 6^th times the charm as they say

34)   Wanna arm wrestle?

35)   May I get a sample of your DNA?

36)   Put this blindfold on and don’t ask questions

37)   What’s the name of your gynecologist? Is it Steve? He’s a hack, trust me.

38)   Have you ever been grave robbing?

39)   If we were stranded on a desert island and I made you a coconut bra, would you wear it?

40)   Hey I got a splinter earlier would you mind taking it out for me?

41)   I disagree with your political beliefs and here is why you are stupid and wrong…

42)   How much porn would you say you watch a day? I feel I’m way above average

43)   Hang on a second my wife is calling

44)   I carry around the ashes of my dead cat everywhere I go, please don’t mind the urn

45)   I voted for Fantasia on American Idol

46)   Me and my twin still sleep in the same bed, that’s not a problem is it?

47)   Oh nuts I forgot my wallet, guess dinners on you then

48)   I’m sorry I didn’t hear a word you said, I’m extremely high

49)   Team Edward or Team Jacob?

50)   Quick! A poisonous spider just bit my penis, please suck the venom out!

51)   What year is this? I’ve been doing a lot of time travel recently and it all becomes one big blur

52)   Check your phone I just sent you a dick pic

53)   Fun fact about me, I have an extra appendage and I’ll let you figure out what it is later

54)   Was Hitler really such a bad guy?

55)   Could you read me the menu? I only read in Klingon

56)   Just a heads up, I ate a lot of dairy today and I am super lactose intolerant

57)   How do you feel about the death penalty

58)   If I had xray vision right now I could totally see you naked

59)   I’m a part time dentist and drag queen, what do you do?

60)   Let’s see who can chug a bottle of tequila quicker, readysetgo!

61)   Can I see a picture of what your mom looks like now? I wanna know what I’m signing up for

62)   How fertile are you? I am extremely fertile

63)   The movie Batman is loosely based upon my life

64)   Wanna go streaking?

65)   I have 6 children with 4 different women, how would you like to be lucky number 5?

66)   I can’t stay out to late I have to check on my hoes in a little bit

67)   Are those boobs real? My compliments to the chef

68)   I have irritable bowel syndrome

69)   May we have sex now?

69 Things that you shouldn’t throw off a high place to see if it bounces

Ever wondered if something would bounce? I know I sure do. I remember one time I saw someone drop a marble out the window onto the sidewalk and it bounced I nearly shit my pants. Actually I’m pretty sure I did because I was a babe at the time. Messy times…. Anyway, I was stunned that it bounced and then it got me wondering what else would bounce. Well after much research and development I have compiled a list of things not to drop out the window and onto the concrete. Here’s the top 69. Give this post a like, add your own to the list in the comments section, and follow us on twitter @TopLists69. Share us around the interwebz with your friends and family so they can all read this and I’ll be rich and famous and buy lots of puppies.

1) A cheeseburge

2) Your grandmother’s china

3) Someone from China

4) Hard boiled egg

5) A boomerang

6) A fist full of nails

7) Small ducks

8) A really fat kid

9) A Tigger doll (no matter how hard you wish….)

10) Flubber the movie

11) Water

12) Diabetes

13) A rubix cube

14) An old Christmas Tree

15) A watermelon full of booze

16) A snake full of bouncy balls (might bounce, but don’t try it- poor snake)

17) A Nokia brick phone

18) Moon boots

19) A full mariachi band

20) Slinkys

21) A full grown bull elephant

22) Bag full of broken glass

23) A wedding cake

24) The pope

25) A George Foreman grill

26) A turd sandwich

27) A stack full of important documents for that big meeting

28) A baby

29) Boston creme donuts

30) Two turtle doves

31) Rocks

32) Papers

33) Scissors

34) A piano

35) A cartoon safe

36) Some Dingleberries

37) An Apple Genius

38) An Apple Pie

39) Applejack Cereal

40) An entire Thanksgiving dinner complete with Pilgrims and Indians

41) A flying squirrel (They can’t really fly…)

42) A yo-yo

43) A Trampoline

44) 99 bottles of beer

45)  The dingo that ate your baby

46) Magical Dragonballs

47) The entire Wu Tang Clan

48) Light bulbs

49) Sumo Wrestlers

50) Thick leather bound books

51) The stock market (ha ha business joke)

52) A sassy gay waiter

53) A kid unfortunately named Peter Pan

54) A chipotle burrito

55) Bean Bag chair

56) Dolly Parton’s boobies

57) A really dense poo

58) Pickles

59) Anyone who says they have “swag” and is serious. (Give it a try tho, I might be wrong)

60) Dudley Dursley from Harry Potter

61) A woman accused of being a witch from the 1800’s

62) The supple bottom of that girl whose always wearing yoga pants but gives you dirty looks if  you even glance at her like you’re clearly not worthy enough to look at her

63) The Kool-aid man

64) Charles Barkley

65) Sponges

66) A walrus

67) French Fries

68) A big fat clown

69) Rice-a-roni

The 69 easiest ways to make a famous movie ridicules

SPOILER ALERT. I’m going to be talking about movies so I’m just warning you now. Have you ever thought after watching a movie “What if…” Well I certainly have. And in most of those cases, because I am weird, I have thought how could I have made this movie really stupid. Most cases can be said just by throwing in Gary Busey but that wouldn’t make an interesting list. Here’s the 69 ways I came up with to take a famous movie and turn it on its head. Please like this, share it, and leave a comment. Follow us on twitter at @TopLists69 and have a lovely day.

1) Jaws: Make jaws an aggressive dolphin

2) Jurassic Park) All the dinosaurs are only 2 feet tall

3) Good Fellas: Replace Joe Pesci with Morgan Freeman

4) Dirty Harry: After his famous speech have his gun shoot the guy with a stream of water

5) Ghost Buster: The Marshmallow man defeats the ghost busters and takes over the world

6) Mighty Ducks: They lose and everyone beats up Charlie for messing up the tripledeek

7) Godfather: No subtitles

8) Titanic: Ship doesn’t sink. Jack and Rose realize things aren’t working out years later.

9) The Fast and the Furious: Massive car crash and everyone is in a coma

10) A bug’s life: Some kid comes with a magnifying glass and burns them all 

11) Rocky: Adrienne sleeps with Mickey and Rocky finds out in the middle of the fight

12) ET: Home doesn’t answer the phone

13) Dumbo: He realizes he cannot fly mid-flight (because he’s an elephant) and falls and crashes on top of a full school bus

14) The Dark Night: Batman teabags two-face after he dies

15) Christmas Carole: One of the ghost reveals Scrooge knocked up a woman years ago and his son is Bob Crachet

16) Nightmare on Elm Street: Have it take place in the Tanner household from Full house (you’re in big trouble mister)

17) Silence of the Lambs: Show Hannibal eating a roast beef sandwich at a deli as the last scene when honey boo boo walks in. 

18) Who Framed Roger Rabbit: Jessica Rabbit was the killer and was sleeping with Eddie the whole time. 

19) Superman Returns: Make it not suck

20) The Shawshank Redemption: They catch him in the poo river and he has to start all over again. Eventually escapes in a helicopter

21) Patch Adams: Patch accidentally discovers the cure for AIDS and becomes the richest man in the world. Opens hospital/amusement park

22) Top Gun: Tom Cruise replaced by Rodney Dangerfield

23) Space Jam: The Toonsquad loses horribly and they all become alien slaves. No one on earth has any idea where Jordan is. Blames the dog

24) Rambo: Ends up going one on one with a predator. Just make that the whole movie

25) Forrest Gump: Jenny doesn’t die and Forrest lives happily ever after. Also Forrest, becomes deadly allergic to shrimp

26)  Lincoln: Abe dodges the bullet and survives 

27) Men in Black: Jay turns down the job, gets replaces by Jackie Chan

28) Schindler’s List: Schindler hunts down Hitler and kills him with multiple throat punches

29)  Major League: Rick Vaughn and Willy Mays Hayes get traded to the Yankees after they start winning games for prospects so they can rebuild when they move the team

30) Finding Nemo: Nemo doens’t escape from the dentist’s office because he’s fallen in love with it. Becomes their leader and leads a tyrannical aquarium.

31) Bruce Almighty: He uses his powers to solves all of his problems in one second and lives happily ever after

32) Hairspray: The main characters don’t fall in love and at the end he’s wearing a shirt that says, “no fat chicks”

33) Indiana Jones, Raider’s of the lost ark: The Ark is filled with the recipe for Oreo cream

34) Dirty Dancing: The mess up their big dance at the end and he drops her on her head. It’s really awkward and nobody says anything

35) Tarzan: The gorillas kill everyone because they’re gorillas not kitties

36) Tron: The paper clip guy from microsoft word comes in and saves the day

37) Rugrats the movie: Child services take away the babies because they’re constantly un-supervised and getting into extremely dangerous situations. Phil and Lil’s mom reveals she’s a lesbian.

38) Saving Private Ryan: They find Ryan who ends up being Pee-Wee Herman and they decide to just shoot him because he’s so annoying

39) Babe: They eat Babe

40) Toy Story: Andy’s mom walks in on the toy’s talking and freaks the fuck out

41) Homeward Bound: They find a new home and are much happier. New Owners never lose their pets

42) Lord of the Rings: They fly on the Eagles from the beginning and just drop the ring in. Saves years of time and millions of lives

43) The Lion King: Timon and Pumba kill scar and become co-kings of the pride lands. Everyone has to eat bugs

44) The Wizard of OZ: Glenda just tells Dorothy she has the power to go home with her shoes right from the beginning. No one has to murder a witch. Hundreds of flying monkeys don’t go homeless

45) Juno: She gets an abortion and everyone hates her

46) Star Wars, A new Hope: Obi-Wan actually fights back instead of letting Vader Kill him. Possibly a different outcome. Can still mentor Luke without being a ghost

47) The Breakfast Club: They go to Ihop afterwards and eat breakfast

48) The Matrix: They just end after the fist one and everyone is happy and less confused

49) The Nutty Professor: Professor Klump decides not to invent the serum and just works out and gets his stomach pumped. Ends up being happier and healthier.

50) Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory: Augustus Gloop drowns in the chocolate river. Wonka gets sued, Veruca Salt takes over the factory. Charlie leads a rebellion with the oompa loompas.

51) Les Miserables: Instead of singing everything they sit down and have a conversation in order to save time and avoid confusion

52) Garfield the Movie: They don’t make it

53) The Social Network: The Winklevoss twins take over the company

54) The Ring: Someone turns off the TV and that solves the problem

55) Twilight: Edward eats Bella

56) Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince: Use the time turner from prisoner of Azkaban to stop Dumbledore from trying to destroy the ring and prevent his and Snape’s deaths

57) The Longest Yard: Paul Crew gets parole and is signed by the New York Jets upon release. They still lose

58) The Parent Trap: The parents do not get back together and instead continue fighting and remind each other why they got divorced. Also, someone brings up the fact that separating the girls and keeping their existence secret from each other was kinda messed up.

59) Terminator: He succeeds in his mission. Does the robot to celebrate

60) Back to the Future: Marty makes out with his mom and somehow becomes his own dad

61) The Muppet Movie: Someone questions the fact that they are puppets. Everything unravels from there. Electric Mayhem become the greatest band of all time

62) Aladdin: Aladdin wishes to become king of the world, ends up as Jack on the bridge of the Titanic

63) The Passion of the Christ: Jesus fights back and it becomes a kung-fu action movie

64) Independence Day: The Virus doesn’t work and instead Will Smith has to get off the ship and fight the aliens single handed until he reaches the self destruct button. Aerosmith plays in background. 

65) Transformers: The Dinobots come in at the end and save the day because they’re awesome. Megan Fox’s top comes off

66) Honey I shrunk the kids: The shrink process becomes permanent and the children have to adjust to a life as tiny people. 

67) Slum-dog Millionaire: He blows it on the last question but he becomes super famous anyway. Opens up a portapotty business and becomes filthy rich. No more children have to fall in poo

68) Revenge of the Nerds: All the nerds fail their classes because they were to busy planning their revenge and forgot to go to the tests

69) Happy Feet: Penguins are replaced with moose. Instead of dancing he sings and tries out for american idol. Simon still hates him and he looses. Ends up in a zoo.