Top 69 worst things to say on a first date

The first date is an amazing thing. So many thoughts and emotions flying through your head at once. All while trying not to look at the other ones boobs. A very difficult task. Some people will know right away if the person sitting across from them has the potential to be “the one.” On the other hand, it works the same when someone will know right away whether or not this is just a waste of time. To help avoid being in the negative category of first impressions, here’s a list of things you shouldn’t say on a first date.

1)      What is the type and color of your underpants? Please explain why you chose that particular pair

2)      Oh I don’t think I could ever move out of my parent’s house. I love my mommy too much.

3)      Are you as big a One Direction fan as me?

4)      Are you gonna eat all that? This ain’t free you know

5)      Have you ever thought about porn? You’ve got the lips for it.

6)      Pull my finger

7)      You wore THAT for our date?

8)      I was expecting more cleavage to be honest

9)      Where would you like to go to dinner, McDonalds or Burger King? You get to pick

10)   Could we fast forward to the part where our pants are off?

11)   You look just like your father

12)   Just throwing this out there ahead of time as a courtesy, I do have at least one STD currently

13)   You’re a vegan? Yuck

14)   Do you mind that I brought my parrot? He doesn’t like to be alone

15)   I don’t believe in “showers”

16)   I haven’t been on a date since ‘nam

17)   Did you watch, “What not to wear,” last night? I forgot to tivo it

18)   Would you mind if I make a pit stop? Gotta go buy some coke for later

19)   Do you have a lower back tattoo? It’s kinda a deal breaker for me if you don’t

20)   We can’t go too far away from my house or my ankle bracelet will go off

21)   Smells like fish in here, if ya know what I mean

22)   Can I borrow some lip gloss? I left mine at home

23)   How open are you to a threesome?

24)   Barak Obama, Martin Luther King Jr, Jackie Robinson. Marry one, Fuck one, Kill one, Go

25)   Hey I just sent you a relationship request on facebook, can you go accept it?

26)   I miss the old days when open racism wasn’t “frowned upon”

27)   If I went to Hogwarts I’d be in Slytherin

28)   I don’t believe in the moon

29)   Scale of one to ten, how likely are we gonna bone tonight?

30)   Would you mind spreading your legs a bit? The hidden camera under the table isn’t getting a good picture

31)   This is my mother, you don’t mind that I brought her right?

32)   Are you a cat or a large snake person?

33)   I’m this close to finally graduating high school. 6^th times the charm as they say

34)   Wanna arm wrestle?

35)   May I get a sample of your DNA?

36)   Put this blindfold on and don’t ask questions

37)   What’s the name of your gynecologist? Is it Steve? He’s a hack, trust me.

38)   Have you ever been grave robbing?

39)   If we were stranded on a desert island and I made you a coconut bra, would you wear it?

40)   Hey I got a splinter earlier would you mind taking it out for me?

41)   I disagree with your political beliefs and here is why you are stupid and wrong…

42)   How much porn would you say you watch a day? I feel I’m way above average

43)   Hang on a second my wife is calling

44)   I carry around the ashes of my dead cat everywhere I go, please don’t mind the urn

45)   I voted for Fantasia on American Idol

46)   Me and my twin still sleep in the same bed, that’s not a problem is it?

47)   Oh nuts I forgot my wallet, guess dinners on you then

48)   I’m sorry I didn’t hear a word you said, I’m extremely high

49)   Team Edward or Team Jacob?

50)   Quick! A poisonous spider just bit my penis, please suck the venom out!

51)   What year is this? I’ve been doing a lot of time travel recently and it all becomes one big blur

52)   Check your phone I just sent you a dick pic

53)   Fun fact about me, I have an extra appendage and I’ll let you figure out what it is later

54)   Was Hitler really such a bad guy?

55)   Could you read me the menu? I only read in Klingon

56)   Just a heads up, I ate a lot of dairy today and I am super lactose intolerant

57)   How do you feel about the death penalty

58)   If I had xray vision right now I could totally see you naked

59)   I’m a part time dentist and drag queen, what do you do?

60)   Let’s see who can chug a bottle of tequila quicker, readysetgo!

61)   Can I see a picture of what your mom looks like now? I wanna know what I’m signing up for

62)   How fertile are you? I am extremely fertile

63)   The movie Batman is loosely based upon my life

64)   Wanna go streaking?

65)   I have 6 children with 4 different women, how would you like to be lucky number 5?

66)   I can’t stay out to late I have to check on my hoes in a little bit

67)   Are those boobs real? My compliments to the chef

68)   I have irritable bowel syndrome

69)   May we have sex now?

69 Things that aren’t a good idea after Tequila

There is no liquid that gives as much and takes as much as the almighty Tequila. All who indulge in the tasty treat probably have one or two moments of shame that can be related. Here’s a list of the top 69 things you probably shouldn’t do after a night of Tequila. Please give this a like, share on social media, leave a comment with your own suggestions, and follow us on twitter @TopLists69

1. Ride a unicycle
2. Ask a hooker to marry you
3. Go skiing
4. Try moose tipping
5. Thread a needle
6. Barbed wire jump rope
7. Apply for the police department
8. Join the bloods/crypts
9. Hug a porcupine
10. Text your ex-gf
11. Text your current gf
12. Challenge the biggest guy around to arm wrestle
13. Try and invent a new cocktail
14. Weightlift
15. Really advanced origami
16. Try to feed a bear a pot of honey because pooh eats honey
17. Attempt extensive surgery
18. Lighting your farts on fire
19. Bake a wedding cake
20. Fulfill your lifelong dream of tightrope walking
21. Go to Vegas and let it all ride on red 7
22. Decide you’re going to steal the declaration of independence
23. More Tequila shots
24. Write a love song about your high school English teacher
25. Karaoke (Unless you’re Kelly Clarkson, no one should be doing this anyway)
26. Resolve to fight crime and become a super hero
27. Question why being a pirate went out of style and bury all your stuff in a secret location and then try and draw a map to it.
28. Get into a fight with someone because they thought the 4^th Indiana Jones movie was “just as good as the other ones”
29. Make Fajitas
30. Go on Facebook and wish everyone you’re friends what you really think about them. And wish them a happy birthday.
31. Play, “Poke the Hobo”
32. See how many krispy kreme’s you can fit into your mouth
33. Drive to your parent’s house and climb into bed with them like you were a baby
34. Create a new sport called, “urban golfing”
35. Play the bagpipes for the first time
36. Announce to everyone you were born to River Dance and show them your skills
37. Baby juggling
38. Re-enact Jackass the Movie
39. Attempt your first ever handstand while peeing
40. Find the hottest girl around with the biggest douchiest boyfriend and give her boobs a solid honk
41. Agree to go on a journey to destroy the ring of power
42. Jump over the table and take over for the hibachi guy saying, “I got this”
43. Your taxes
44. Go to taco bell drive through and yell at the attendant for not speaking Spanish and not making your experience “authentic Mexican cuisine”
45. Re-enact all the scenes from step brothers with someone
46. Tell everyone in the surrounding area that your baby maker is a magic lamp and that if you rub it you’ll get 3 wishes
47. Paint yourself blue and claim to be the Yao Ming of Smurfs
48. Continually yell at the dj/band/stereo to play free-bird all night
49. Shave the cat
50. Get a neck/face tattoo involving any of the following: snake, barbed wire, Asian symbol, dragon, tiger, Samoan symbols, person’s name, family motto, or basically anything
51. Eat a bunch of bubble gum and see if you’ll poop out a bubble
52. Jump into the ocean because “You need to find Nemo”
53. Start challenging random people to a Pokémon battle
54. Try and start a slow clap at inappropriate times
55. Break into a funeral home because you wanna re-enact “Weekend at Bernie’s”
56. Start watching porn in a public place to see if anyone wants to start an orgy
57. Find someone who’s a really good dancer and challenge them to a dance off in front of everyone. Proceed to do the chicken dance
58. Take pictures of your junk and tweet them using the hash tag #CuteKittens
59. Attempt to lead a rebellion against Canada for using “the wrong bacon”
60. Leave everything in your will to the sketchy guy you just met
61. Find the biggest lesbian you can and try and get her to switch sides using any means necessary
62. Talk like Yoda for the rest of the evening
63. Go up to every Italian person you see and ask them if they were born in Italy. If they say no claim, “Then you’re not a real Italian”
64. Keep asking people to take body shots off of you
65. Start a Harlem shake without telling anyone else
66. Sky diving
67. Explain to anyone who will listen that the movie “Rudy” was loosely based upon your life
68. Bet any woman $50 that you can draw what their naughty parts just by looking in their eyes. If they agree, demand they prove it after.
69. Watch human centipede