The 69 easiest ways to make a famous movie ridicules

SPOILER ALERT. I’m going to be talking about movies so I’m just warning you now. Have you ever thought after watching a movie “What if…” Well I certainly have. And in most of those cases, because I am weird, I have thought how could I have made this movie really stupid. Most cases can be said just by throwing in Gary Busey but that wouldn’t make an interesting list. Here’s the 69 ways I came up with to take a famous movie and turn it on its head. Please like this, share it, and leave a comment. Follow us on twitter at @TopLists69 and have a lovely day.

1) Jaws: Make jaws an aggressive dolphin

2) Jurassic Park) All the dinosaurs are only 2 feet tall

3) Good Fellas: Replace Joe Pesci with Morgan Freeman

4) Dirty Harry: After his famous speech have his gun shoot the guy with a stream of water

5) Ghost Buster: The Marshmallow man defeats the ghost busters and takes over the world

6) Mighty Ducks: They lose and everyone beats up Charlie for messing up the tripledeek

7) Godfather: No subtitles

8) Titanic: Ship doesn’t sink. Jack and Rose realize things aren’t working out years later.

9) The Fast and the Furious: Massive car crash and everyone is in a coma

10) A bug’s life: Some kid comes with a magnifying glass and burns them all 

11) Rocky: Adrienne sleeps with Mickey and Rocky finds out in the middle of the fight

12) ET: Home doesn’t answer the phone

13) Dumbo: He realizes he cannot fly mid-flight (because he’s an elephant) and falls and crashes on top of a full school bus

14) The Dark Night: Batman teabags two-face after he dies

15) Christmas Carole: One of the ghost reveals Scrooge knocked up a woman years ago and his son is Bob Crachet

16) Nightmare on Elm Street: Have it take place in the Tanner household from Full house (you’re in big trouble mister)

17) Silence of the Lambs: Show Hannibal eating a roast beef sandwich at a deli as the last scene when honey boo boo walks in. 

18) Who Framed Roger Rabbit: Jessica Rabbit was the killer and was sleeping with Eddie the whole time. 

19) Superman Returns: Make it not suck

20) The Shawshank Redemption: They catch him in the poo river and he has to start all over again. Eventually escapes in a helicopter

21) Patch Adams: Patch accidentally discovers the cure for AIDS and becomes the richest man in the world. Opens hospital/amusement park

22) Top Gun: Tom Cruise replaced by Rodney Dangerfield

23) Space Jam: The Toonsquad loses horribly and they all become alien slaves. No one on earth has any idea where Jordan is. Blames the dog

24) Rambo: Ends up going one on one with a predator. Just make that the whole movie

25) Forrest Gump: Jenny doesn’t die and Forrest lives happily ever after. Also Forrest, becomes deadly allergic to shrimp

26)  Lincoln: Abe dodges the bullet and survives 

27) Men in Black: Jay turns down the job, gets replaces by Jackie Chan

28) Schindler’s List: Schindler hunts down Hitler and kills him with multiple throat punches

29)  Major League: Rick Vaughn and Willy Mays Hayes get traded to the Yankees after they start winning games for prospects so they can rebuild when they move the team

30) Finding Nemo: Nemo doens’t escape from the dentist’s office because he’s fallen in love with it. Becomes their leader and leads a tyrannical aquarium.

31) Bruce Almighty: He uses his powers to solves all of his problems in one second and lives happily ever after

32) Hairspray: The main characters don’t fall in love and at the end he’s wearing a shirt that says, “no fat chicks”

33) Indiana Jones, Raider’s of the lost ark: The Ark is filled with the recipe for Oreo cream

34) Dirty Dancing: The mess up their big dance at the end and he drops her on her head. It’s really awkward and nobody says anything

35) Tarzan: The gorillas kill everyone because they’re gorillas not kitties

36) Tron: The paper clip guy from microsoft word comes in and saves the day

37) Rugrats the movie: Child services take away the babies because they’re constantly un-supervised and getting into extremely dangerous situations. Phil and Lil’s mom reveals she’s a lesbian.

38) Saving Private Ryan: They find Ryan who ends up being Pee-Wee Herman and they decide to just shoot him because he’s so annoying

39) Babe: They eat Babe

40) Toy Story: Andy’s mom walks in on the toy’s talking and freaks the fuck out

41) Homeward Bound: They find a new home and are much happier. New Owners never lose their pets

42) Lord of the Rings: They fly on the Eagles from the beginning and just drop the ring in. Saves years of time and millions of lives

43) The Lion King: Timon and Pumba kill scar and become co-kings of the pride lands. Everyone has to eat bugs

44) The Wizard of OZ: Glenda just tells Dorothy she has the power to go home with her shoes right from the beginning. No one has to murder a witch. Hundreds of flying monkeys don’t go homeless

45) Juno: She gets an abortion and everyone hates her

46) Star Wars, A new Hope: Obi-Wan actually fights back instead of letting Vader Kill him. Possibly a different outcome. Can still mentor Luke without being a ghost

47) The Breakfast Club: They go to Ihop afterwards and eat breakfast

48) The Matrix: They just end after the fist one and everyone is happy and less confused

49) The Nutty Professor: Professor Klump decides not to invent the serum and just works out and gets his stomach pumped. Ends up being happier and healthier.

50) Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory: Augustus Gloop drowns in the chocolate river. Wonka gets sued, Veruca Salt takes over the factory. Charlie leads a rebellion with the oompa loompas.

51) Les Miserables: Instead of singing everything they sit down and have a conversation in order to save time and avoid confusion

52) Garfield the Movie: They don’t make it

53) The Social Network: The Winklevoss twins take over the company

54) The Ring: Someone turns off the TV and that solves the problem

55) Twilight: Edward eats Bella

56) Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince: Use the time turner from prisoner of Azkaban to stop Dumbledore from trying to destroy the ring and prevent his and Snape’s deaths

57) The Longest Yard: Paul Crew gets parole and is signed by the New York Jets upon release. They still lose

58) The Parent Trap: The parents do not get back together and instead continue fighting and remind each other why they got divorced. Also, someone brings up the fact that separating the girls and keeping their existence secret from each other was kinda messed up.

59) Terminator: He succeeds in his mission. Does the robot to celebrate

60) Back to the Future: Marty makes out with his mom and somehow becomes his own dad

61) The Muppet Movie: Someone questions the fact that they are puppets. Everything unravels from there. Electric Mayhem become the greatest band of all time

62) Aladdin: Aladdin wishes to become king of the world, ends up as Jack on the bridge of the Titanic

63) The Passion of the Christ: Jesus fights back and it becomes a kung-fu action movie

64) Independence Day: The Virus doesn’t work and instead Will Smith has to get off the ship and fight the aliens single handed until he reaches the self destruct button. Aerosmith plays in background. 

65) Transformers: The Dinobots come in at the end and save the day because they’re awesome. Megan Fox’s top comes off

66) Honey I shrunk the kids: The shrink process becomes permanent and the children have to adjust to a life as tiny people. 

67) Slum-dog Millionaire: He blows it on the last question but he becomes super famous anyway. Opens up a portapotty business and becomes filthy rich. No more children have to fall in poo

68) Revenge of the Nerds: All the nerds fail their classes because they were to busy planning their revenge and forgot to go to the tests

69) Happy Feet: Penguins are replaced with moose. Instead of dancing he sings and tries out for american idol. Simon still hates him and he looses. Ends up in a zoo.

69 Things that might be fun to put in a microwave

The microwave. A wonderful and mysterious object. How exactly does it work? Nobody knows (if you do you’re a nerd). Sometimes I just look in and stare at my hot pockets dancing around and imagine what magic is making them so un-godly hot that I burn my mouth. Then my mom or girl friend yell at my to not press my face against the microwave because it isn’t good for me. Like they know what’s good for me. I know what some of my favorite foods do when in the majestic microwave but sometimes I wonder about the possibilities…. Here’s a list of 69 things I wanna see in a microwave:

1) Silly putty

2) A box of nickels

3) A Nokia brick cell phone

4) The bad guy from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (I wanna see if the same thing happens)

5) A bonsai plant

6) 1 Marshmallow peep

7) A can of diet pepsi

8) Dashboard Jesus/Buddah/Hula Girl

9) A rock, a piece of paper, and scissors

10) Some lava

11) Jello

12) Sarah Jessica Parker

13) A dozen eggs

14) A Hershey Kiss, still in the wrapper

15) Diabetes

16) A dragon egg

17)  Fecal matter (ewwww)

18)  Chocolate pudding (to compare to the poo for scientific purposes)

19) Live Trout

20) Your grandma’s really fancy china with a dozen peeled bananas

21) A can of red paint

22) A Honus Wagner baseball card

23) Box of golf balls

24) The rose from Beauty and the Beast with like 3 petals left

25) A Fart in a ziplock bag

26) The Magic school bus (no children on board tho)

27) An Apple genus’ mac, iphone, ipad, ipod, and all other devices (and have them watch…)

28) A Pocket full of Posies

29) The sword of Godrick Griffendor

30) Cesar Salad

31) Every Dallas cowboy super bowl ring

32) The deed to my house

33) Eye of newt and toe of toad

34) A smaller microwave

35) A flock of seagulls

36) A whole wedding cake

37) Any McDonald’s happy meal

38) A Malibu Barbie complete with dream house and pink convertible

39) 7 layer dip

40) The Spartan 300

41) The entire army of Xerxes (Who would last longer?)

42) Kim Jong Un

43) Justin Bieber dressed up as little bo peep

44) Arthur Fonzarelli’s leather jacket

45) Grape jelly

46) A Honey Badger

47) Zombie

48) Dry Ice

49) Batman (I wanna see how he’d get out of it)

50) Marlin’s Park with their owner inside

51) Icy Hot patches

52) Sushi

53) Jerry Sandusky

54) Toaster Strudel

55) Glue

56) An 1800’s snobby English debutante woman

57) The Groundhog that said winter was over but lied

58) Philadelphia

59) Philadelphia cream cheese

60) The Mona Lisa

61) A hippo (preferably one with a bad attitude so I don’t feel bad)

62) Spongbob Squarepants inside his pineapple

63) A fairy god parent

64) Team Rocket

65) A Jamba Juice

66) A trombone

67) A fruit salad

68) One of the Aliens from Aliens

69) Toast (Just curious)

The Top 69 worst Boner Killers

Have you ever seen or heard something that made your manhood turn from iron man into a limp noodle? It’s happened to everyone and it’s the worst. Here’s a list of the 69 worst boner killers of all time. Feel free to add your own in the comments section, like, and share with your friends via social media. PS follow us on twitter @TopLists69

1) Honey Boo Boo’s mom

2) Salmon spawning

3) All the ladies from Sex in the City

4) Chihuahuas

5) Orange juice after brushing your teeth

6) Any evil old lady from a disney cartoon

7) A stray pube on a urinal

8) An extremely smelly fart that wakes the dead

9) Wearing a full diaper

10) My little pony

11) Fat guy little coat

12) Jeggings

13) Talking about the time of the month and anything associated with that

14) Powdered wigs

15) Cat pee

16) Centipedes

17) Anal Leakage

18) A sneeze during fellatio

19) Vomit

20) Chris Bosh

21) That weird smell in the subway

22) The taste of a subway sandwich (doesn’t arouse me in the slightest)

23) A book that doesn’t mention boobies

24) Slugs

25) Di-Di from Rugrats (That’s Tommy’s mom)

26) Ice cream on your junk

27) The Paper clip guy that used to pop up when writing something on Word

28) Renee Zellweger

29) Under the Tuscan Sun (omg it’s so bad)

30) Fat Bastard from Austin Powers

31) Breadcrumbs in the bed

32) Puppy Farts

33) Grandmas

34) Squidward from Spongebob

35) Anything involving unicycles

36) Tentical hentai (Why would you want to fuck an octopus?)

37) Lemon Party

38) A Waynes Brother’s movie

39) Old people chins

40) Huge pimples that people pretend aren’t on their face because they’re afraid to pop them so the rest of us have to suffer

41) John Lackey

42) Glue

43) Everything about Glee

44) Tape dispensers

45) Lumberjacks

46) Cats the musical

47) Fantasia from American Idol

48) Banjo music

49) Naked Mole Rats

50) The Wiggles

51) Suspenders

52) Portapotties

53) Dinosaurs (Not even a little bit)

54) The noise that modems used to make when connecting to the internet

55) Direct to video Disney squeals

56) Meryl Streep (Wonderful actress tho)

57) The guy who played Augustus Filtch in Harry Potter

58) Ostriches

59) Grape cough medicine

60) Miss Piggy

61) Paper Cuts

62) Diarrhea

63) Being in an area with no wi-fi or 3G

64) Jim Rome

65) Wet sand down below (yuck)

66) Sharks

67) Crop dusting

68) School librarian

69) Julia Child

 

69 Ways you can make money without getting off your ass

Are you lazy? Do you like money? Would you prefer to sit in a chair than not? Does the thought of hard labor scare you like a frightened chipmunk? Well, here are some ways you can make some money while sitting on your butt. Please add your own ideas in the comment section, like, and share with your friends. If you don’t you’ll kill a kitty. No pressure.

1) On-line Poker Champion

2) Food tester for royalty

3) Start juggling dangerous objects

4) Mall Santa

5) Swallow a bunch of hot dogs quickly

6) Toilet Quality Assurance

7) Date Taylor Swift, break up, wait for her to write a song about you, collect royalties

8) Philosopher

9) Guinea pig Breeder

10) Hipster Scarf Knitter (Their trendy necks get cold)

11) Erotic Novelist

12) Sell a Kidney

13) Oddly scented candle maker

14) Professional psychic

15) Shoe lace applicator

16) Be an annoying person on youtube

17) Bean Bag tester

18) Professional Quidditch Scout

19) Extract DNA from mosquitoes to breed dinosaurs

20) Hack into Facebook and add a dislike button on all attention whoring people’s posts

21) Carve sticks into wands and sell on ebay

22) Train carrier pigeon to drop sharp objects onto Justin Beiber’s head and demand ransom

23) Phone Sex operator

24) Phone Sex complaint department

25) Build doomsday device and sell to evil super villain

26) Clean between the folds of wrinkly dogs

27) Mail in sperm donor

28) Write episodes of Dora the Explorer

29) Fix the Cubs

30) Start a fish fight club

31) Be one of those judges that holes up a number after a competition

32) Toll booth operator

33) Try to make musical farts

34) Make a Where’s Waldo book without putting Waldo in

35) Be the guy who changes Google homepage on those random weird holidays no one celebrates

36) Think of stupid names for jobs (ie. coffee girl= Barista?)

37) Professional Pokemon breeder

38) Create a fake Twitter account and pretend to be a celebrity

39) Blog (jk I’ve made 0 dollars)

40) Search Google maps for treasure

41) Hedgehog shampooer

42) Hack into the pentagon and change all their secret files to pictures of “grumpy cat”

43) Bobble head tester

44) Become paper football champion

45) Christmas light untangler

46) Spanish announcer for WWE (until someone gets put through your table)

47) Invent an easier way to order coffee

48) Develop psychic powers

49) Become a interpreter for the UN and translate things to fit your need

50) Raise a pair of lab mice whose desire is to take over the world

51) Stephen Hawking impersonator

52) Balloon animal artist

53) Be that guy who sits on the lifeguard chair at Tennis matches and does something (idk I don’t watch tennis)

54) Create a cult and gain followers to pay you

55) World class envelop licker

56) Freeze a manikin head in a bucket and sell tickets to people to see claiming its Walt Disney (or Ted Williams)

57)  Hack into the producers of Criminal Minds and Law and Order’s laptops and steal the endings to all their episodes and hold for ransom or you’ll spoil the ending on the internet

58) Parrot Whisperer

59) Invent a dance for people in wheelchairs

60) Sell some sort of narcotic. (Don’t really do this) ((or at least don’t tell them I said to do this)) (((just keep me out of it)))

61) Discover a way to make turnips not disgusting

62) Practice necromancy and revive celebrities from the dead for one night only performances in Vegas

63) Become an Elvis impersonator, but only the fat version when he died on the toilet eating a peanut butter, banana, and bacon sandwich.

64) Be Honey Boo Boo’s mom

65) Fart in a bag and sell on ebay as “bottled death”

66) Sign a bunch of baseballs and sell to small children claiming to be a made up old baseball hall of famer

67) Master the truffle shuffle

68) Be a mafia boss

69) Drink a lot of red bull until you develop wings or explode. Sue for false advertising 

Top 69 things you shouldn’t do with a baby

Now remember this is a list of things you SHOULDN’T do with a baby. So when you read this and are all like, “Oh my good gracious that’s a terrible thing to do with a baby” well…. that’s the general idea. Please feel free to submit your own ideas in the comment section. Enjoy

1. Use as a football

2. Practice street fighting with

3. Train for competitive eating

4. Cannon ball in a pool

5. Use as a cannon ball

6. Use as a badminton shuttlecock (for 2 reasons)

7. Pepper tester

8. Watch human centipede

9. Watch Rachel Ray (she’s so annoying)

10. Put in timeout in oven and or microwave

11. Teach to shave

12. Practice Macho Man Randy Savage elbow drops

13. Trampolining

14. Play peek-a-boo with a Honey Badger

15. Show them Bambi.  (That shit’s sad)

16. Dress them in white after labor day

17. Rob a casino with George Clooney and company

18. Rock to sleep with George Carlin CD’s

19. Hunt for Narwhals

20. Use as juggling pin

21. Invite to fantasy baseball league

22. Take to a Kiss concert

23. Play hacky-sack

24. Dig for oil

25. Have them hold hot soup on a bus in an urban city full of potholes with no lid

26. Watch anything with Kristen Stewart

27. Make them do yard work

28. Leave with pack of wolves for raising

29. Hire as security for Jersey night club

30. Put on the Bachelor

31. Place hedgehogs in crib

32. Raise them as Eagles fans

33. Replace baby food with cheese steaks

34. Bodybuilding

35. Use to lick envelopes

36. Dog-walking

37. Make them pirate ship captain

38. Leave on the roof

39. Engage in screaming contest

40. Play truth or dare

41. Turn into accidental Horcrux and leave powerless

42. Put inside a pinata

43. Teach them how to dougie (remember that stupid dance?)

44. Teach them to walk in heels

45. Pie in the face

46. Challenge to a race around the world

47. Use to check for monsters under the bed (This will prove ineffective)

48. Place in crib made out of legos

49. Enter in Hell’s Kitchen

50. Hot Air Ballooning

51. Snake charming

52. Use to balance heavy books

53. Get matching bob marley tattoos

54. Try to discover a new element (Odds are just slim)

55. Visit a haunted mansion

56. Ask to work on a Saturday (Probably not gonna come in, not dependable)

57. Place in carry on bag to Australia

58. Leave with Angelina Jolie (She’ll try and adopt it)

59. Have them answer the door when Jehovas Witness is around

60. Bobsledding

61. Tell them to block the plate so the run doesn’t score

62. Ask them to spell check your resume

63. Raise them to believe they have Benjamin Button disease mixed with amnesia

64. Sunbathing

65. Hunt for bigfoot (Nobody should be doing this anyway, but ESPECIALLY babies)

66. Sign up for synchronized swimming

67. Put in washing machine. (Especially when on camera)

68. Tell them disco isn’t dead

69. Don’t shake the baby